BEYOND
Welcome to BEYOND, the personal growth podcast for leaders and high performers who are anointed.
I am your host, Katie Lynn, and with 20 years of experience in the field of psychology and human behavior I am bringing my natural curiosity, expertise and personal life experiences here for episodes that are guaranteed to be informative, inspiring and entertaining.
I am glad you’re here, let’s get started!
BEYOND
Ep. 33 Emotional Attunement and Performance with Rebecca
Imagine growing up with a parent whose every lesson seemed more about themselves than your growth.
Rebecca shares her story of navigating such a familial dynamic, where her father's teachings often overshadowed her own journey of self-learning. I coach Rebecca on how attunement and empathy can transform relationships by nurturing deeper understanding and authentic connections.
This episode promises insights into bridging generational gaps in emotional development and recognizing the value of curiosity in truly seeing others.
In this coaching session, we also unpack the lifelong path of self-discovery, reflecting on how childhood environments shape our aspirations and self-worth. Rebecca and I work through the tension between personal desires and societal expectations, touching on the concept of self-abandonment for performance. We explore the liberating journey of individuation in adulthood and the pivotal role supportive partners play in fostering personal growth and happiness.
How do early family dynamics impact our ability to express emotions openly and fearlessly?
We tackle the distinction between feeling loved and feeling safe, emphasizing the need to reprogram ourselves to seek out environments that respect our vulnerability. Through vivid metaphors, I highlight the importance of aligning expectations with reality and how attunement and performance can coexist without leading to self-abandonment. The episode wraps up with a heartfelt message of gratitude, inviting listeners to contribute to this shared journey by sharing their insights and leaving feedback.
For inquiries email: katie@katielynnrojano.com
Receive FREE access to the Power Process when you leave a 5 star review! Just screen shot a photo of your review and email it to katie@katielynnrojano.com
If you share the episode on IG please tag me! @katielynnrojano
All links for products mentioned can be found at the link in my bio on IG.
If you are interested in coaching with Katie Lynn please complete this form: https://w57ffpcqbll.typeform.com/to/PIzZ8uGg
Hello, my friend, and welcome to Beyond the personal growth podcast for the people who are healing beyond their conditioning and beyond the cycles that played out before them. My name is Katie Lynn and, with 20 years of experience in the field of psychology and human behavior, I am bringing my natural curiosity, expertise and personal life experiences here for discussions that are guaranteed to be informative, inspiring and entertaining. I'm glad you're here. Let's get started. Today on the podcast we have Rebecca. Rebecca, thank you so much for being on. What would you like to create today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. I feel like my intention is around understanding the link with connection, collaboration, validation and value, and what it really means to connect in this kind of holistic way, Because I've noticed that in my experiences there's like almost like a role of feeling like almost too overly receptive but not necessarily being able to like add value. And that's what I really like about this podcast is people can listen and it's like you don't know where they're coming from, how they're going to see you, but like you can say something and people can say, wow, that's really cool. I like that. And so, even though I'm coming in here in my position, we both have an equal power, so to speak, of sharing. Both have an equal power, so to speak, of sharing, and I'm not necessarily just like a student.
Speaker 1:I can be both. Yeah, for sure. For sure Is the connection and collaboration and validation. Is that within the context of relationships? Yes, so are you feeling like that is something that's missing in your relationships?
Speaker 2:It's definitely a weakness. I don't know if it's missing in like my personal relationship with my boyfriend, but I think growing up that wasn't really a thing I felt like with my dad. I mean, I'm sure both parents had it different ways, but with my dad specifically, he has the sense of always wanting to teach something and he always wants to feel like he has influence to mold and shape and all of these things. And I would often say like, growing up, don't I have my own experiences that I can learn from? Why do I have to learn from your experience? And like if I had opinion, I remember I was like around 10 years old and I would say yeah, I know, dad, or dad, I know. And he would get really upset when I said I know. And that's where I'm trying to kind of work on, I guess, is to be able to feel good about saying I know this.
Speaker 1:When you say yep, I know this. What does that represent for you internally?
Speaker 2:I'm not even sure, like I'd have to really think about it.
Speaker 1:I imagine part of it's like the confidence to follow through with what it is that I'm saying and to see it actually materialized for someone else or for myself, and how did it feel or maybe even it still feels this way when, like somebody doesn't understand that you might know, or they get upset because you say I know how does that feel for you.
Speaker 2:It makes me feel like inferior or like a child who I guess maybe shouldn't know and needs to add on top of what I know, like it doesn't give the ability to breathe, you know, to pull out the information that I understand within myself. It takes that away.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, what I hear is you speaking to something that is really powerful in relationships and in psychology we call it attunement. And attunement is created when we can do a couple of things simultaneously, when we can stay curious about ourselves and others, which I hear, a natural curiosity in your way of being and how you relate to you and how you relate to others. From the moment we started having a dialogue in the DMs right there, there was this natural curiosity which is so powerful. And then the second thing that attunement requires is empathy, the ability for me to have a process of being able to put myself in your experience to a certain degree right. The empathy is always limited because I can't become you, nor would I try to become you, but it's just having that understanding of.
Speaker 1:I wonder what it would be like if I was in Rebecca's shoes. I wonder what I might be like if I was in Rebecca's shoes. I wonder what I might be experiencing, what I might be feeling, what I might be thinking, and that is a really beautiful thing. And attunement is the ability for me to attune to what you might be experiencing from a curious place. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:It definitely does. I have zero disrespect for my parents, I just I don't think they necessarily had that.
Speaker 1:I think the generations now that are coming up, like the Gen Xers and the millennials. I think we have a lot more conversations around development and around empathy and around emotional development and around trauma, right, and so these things? Right. If I went and told somebody who was 30 years older than me and I said I wonder if you ever attuned to your kids, they might be like, what the heck are you talking about? And understandably so, because unless they came from a psychology background or unless they were in maybe a teacher, even you know behavior or anything like that. Right, and my husband and I talk about this all the time because we have a 13 year old and a three-year-old Right, so we talk, we have a lot of conversations about attunement, because I hear in your share that there was not just a power differential from parent to child.
Speaker 1:Right, there's also an age differential. And the beauty of attunement is it's like a bridge. It functions as the bridge For you in this situation, it sounds like what you really were just deeply wanting your parent to recognize in you is actually how capable you are. It wasn't about you knowing or not knowing. It was about your capacity to figure it out. Does that resonate for you?
Speaker 2:It does. And so just the word bridge, because I had thoughts many times in the last I don't know, probably different times of my life, but I'll think about bridging the gap and how to fill in the gap, and can you have silence or can you have an open space for an answer, and what that really looks like when you do this whole bridge. It's like, well, is the bridge stable enough, or is it just going to open up and you're going to fall?
Speaker 1:through yes, and what might determine the stability and the trustworthiness of the bridge for you?
Speaker 2:I can never say this word reciprocity.
Speaker 1:Reciprocity. It's a mouthful. Yes, that is a mouthful, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that mouthful, I think, is the thing that is needed. Yeah, when I was younger, I used to say a relationship requires trust and communication. Without both of those, it will not last. And as I've gotten older, I've really refined and added and modified what I feel relationship is needing. And now that I'm in a healthy and safe relationship, I recognize that when there is something really safe I feel like I need to like, there's just all these emotions that come up in different moments of like what does it mean to contribute? And it's just, it's crazy. I could probably take a while just to talk about all the things I I'm seeing. Do you question?
Speaker 1:your contribution. I think I got better with it.
Speaker 2:Is it still something that comes up for you? I think so. Like one of the first conversations that we had, he was saying you know, when I moved in, like I don't need to worry about working, I just want you to focus on like yourself and being in a different state, and you know what it basically means to have my own identity and transition into a different reality. So everything was like, you know, like mind-blown kind of moment where your life just kind of falls apart in a in a good way yes, oh, oh, I know this.
Speaker 1:yes, well, uh uh-huh yeah.
Speaker 2:And so with that, I started to think about like, oh my God, I'm not, I'm not doing anything, I'm not trying to form a business, I'm not trying to like go and work at a job, I'm not driving because I got rid of the car, I don't want a car within the city here, and all these thoughts. And I'm like what if I sleep too long, you know, and I have nothing that I've shown for myself? And so I'm like so what am I contributing? Then, yeah, and it was just like and eventually I'm like I'm going to get like some kind of job because I think that's what I'm ready to do. That I went from like July till February without a job and I learned a lot. Of emotional awareness is a big responsibility and how you see it can be either positive or negative, and I recognize the positive. But I also felt insecure from the negative of how much I knew, and I don't remember the original question here, but oh well, you brought up so many beautiful things.
Speaker 1:I mean and you speak to an experience that I think is quite common and it doesn't receive as much airtime as maybe would be beneficial for a lot of us as women and humans, you know is that being in a difficult situation is difficult. That difficulty doesn't have to do with just the things you don't want to happen. Difficulty can come in receiving the things that you actually do want to happen. And your experience of having a partner who says I want you to be free, I want you to be free, I want you to be happy, I want you to find what lights you up. Take your time, adjust to this new environment. That is a hard right turn.
Speaker 2:If we came from a childhood where performance was more important than authenticity, Do you think, based on what I said, that it was performance-based, then I thought that was just a normal society thing.
Speaker 1:So I do think it was performance-based and, and within the context of childhood, that's a survival skill. So it's not performance for the sake of intentionally, consciously abandoning the self, because ages zero to seven and zero to like 20, there really isn't a quite a self yet. It's very uh, you, you're, you're developing a self, right, and so if we're in a position where our primary caretakers only know how to relate via purpose and accomplishment, then we adapt, we contort ourselves to that, because if we, we need them to survive, right, so it's a survival technique. Well, I'll speak for myself. Because if we, we need them to survive, right, so it's a survival technique. I'll speak for myself.
Speaker 1:At no point did I ever say I'm going to abandon me so I can be this for them. That was, that's never been a conscious thought. And yet when I look back I go, oh, I, I did that a few, a handful of times in my lifetime, you know. And so, especially in the dynamics, you know, depending on the dynamics of the caretakers, right, whether it was a, whether it was a happy relationship, or whether it was a relationship where you're in a blended family you know, I come from a blended family like the dynamics of every family nucleus are very different.
Speaker 1:So are the ways that we so brilliantly figure out how to survive become the things that we get to sort of take a bigger look at, a deeper look at, in our adult years and we like decide what we're going to hang on to, where we're going to keep and what we're going to let go of, and what we're going to learn and what we're going to unlearn. And it sounds to me like that's the place that maybe you're really at with this. It's like there are some things that were really great, some things that are beautiful, some things I'm so grateful for, and there are some things that I learned that maybe they're not serving me anymore, maybe they're not quite playing out the way I would like them to. Does that resonate for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there were, I guess, quite a few sentences back. The last word you said was abandonment. So you said that once and you said that a second time, the original time that you used that word about abandoning self for performing over authenticity. Right, yeah, can you break that down? It's very clear to me that you've thought about it, that you can say that so eloquently, but I don't think I get that say that so eloquently, but I don't think I get that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, okay, when I was young. So I stand tall, I stand tall at five, nine, and I am built like my Viking relatives, okay. So I am like broad, strong, you know, like like that's my build and there's nothing I can do about it, right, like, even surgery is like not going to. You know, this is my body. And so when I was younger and my mom is built very similarly, she has a beautiful body. My father has, you know, broad shoulders. He's a, you know, mexican man. And so when I was younger, all I want to do was dance, dance and gymnastics, dance and gymnastics. Right, and I would dance all the time. I'd put on performances for for my parents, I'd sell them tickets, I'd host a show and they'd have to come upstairs and watch me, and it was all well and good until I said I want to go to gymnastics. So what was reflected back to me is gymnastics is not really going to be a realistic investment because you're going to be too tall to be a gymnast. You're not built like a gymnast, which is not false, right, like that's true, right. Olympic gymnasts are not five, nine. They're not built like me right, because I'm not aerodynamic in that way.
Speaker 1:And so I was like, okay, you know, and went along with it and then chose something else.
Speaker 1:Uh, like, I went, I still stayed in the sports realm, but chose a different sport that met the requirement of I'm still active, I'm still involved and I am still doing something that makes me feel proud and that I take pride in and that also makes my parents feel proud and they take pride in, and it also makes my parents feel proud and they take pride in.
Speaker 1:So that was a moment where I said, okay, well, this is what I really want to do, this is what I really love, and that's not going to be possible, so let me find something else that might be just kind of close, that still meets all the things I'm trying to do. So it gets me loved by my parents, so it gets me connected to people, still gets me out in the world and moving. It still gives me the feedback that I can learn something, that I'm successful, that I can be sufficient. It's the affirming from the external world Like, yes, you can do this. That's what I mean by self-abandonment for performance. I wanted to demonstrate to my parents at that time, and to the people that I was surrounded in, that I could be good enough.
Speaker 2:That's interesting. So you never felt trying to summarize my thoughts Sure, you never felt like the like, personally attacked or something that your height got in the way of, something that was like a childhood dream or something like that. Like you just said, you know, I felt very affirmed and acknowledged in my craft but practically speaking, I don't want my body to fail. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know. So that really hadn't been a part of my wiring. And and it's so interesting you bring this up because when I was getting ready this morning I was thinking I remember this exercise that, like my second grade teacher had us do, and they were like you know, um, what is your dream career? Right, and I remember, like picking a picture of Barbie walking down a runway and I was like I'm going to be a supermodel. Right, which, again, five, nine mid-size gal not fitting, especially in the nineties. Right, not fitting the traditional model. And it was interesting because when my athletic career ended, I actually did get signed by a modeling agency as a plus size model. So I still went for it.
Speaker 1:But that was because, again, the environment that I was stewed in really was championed by a mother who didn't believe in she didn't believe in being stopped. Do you know what I mean? So she was very much like a trailblazer and a pioneer in her own right, and so if she needed something to get done, she was going to figure out how to get that something done. So she was like one of the first female line men in a male dominated industry. She like left home when she was 17. Right, and all of this stuff came out of necessity, came out of survival. For her it still was like, look, you're not going to give me a no. And so that's why I say the self-abandonment in our younger years is not conscious self-abandonment, because there is no full self yet. When I chose like okay, I can't do gymnastics, like it didn't feel like a personal attack. I felt really sad. You know, of course I felt super sad that I was like dang, I'm so tall and you know, like that's just not. You know, that's kind of messed up. And it doesn't mean that I couldn't go back today and start trying to learn gymnastics, right, I just the chances of me making it to an Olympic level not that I would even want to at this point in my life are very slim.
Speaker 1:But it's like that idea of we're constantly, when we're younger, being shaped and we don't always get to choose in those more formative years who's shaping us and what's shaping us. And so then we are shaped and then we get to our adulthood, that 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, and we go oh, I get to individuate now, what do I choose? There's so much to choose, right, but I've had this moment that you described where your partner said you don't have to work, take your time, adjust, be happy, be you, get settled. I had my husband say that to me right after we had our three-year-old and it was one of the most destabilizing moments of my life. So when I heard you share that, I was like I know exactly how jarring and destabilizing.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, if you would have asked me at that time what would be the dream, it'd be like. The dream is to do whatever I want to do. It's another thing to have that literally open up for you and the internal work that sets off. For if I can choose anything, then what do I choose? Oh, that is a personal development journey in and of itself.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's exactly what happened with me, actually, and it was very much like, oh, I see how this interest of mine's coming through and this interest of mine's coming through. And so then I just started to do the thing, naturally, and I almost had that overwhelm of like, so much time in the day and what am I actually getting done? Because I feel inspired, but I also feel tired and did it actually mean anything? And it just got in my head and I'm like this is it Inside? Job is literally a job. When people say, oh yeah, I'm going to go to work, I'm like me too. I'm waking up and I'm working. Yes, it is. It takes so much energy to do that. And then I just eventually made it like a how can I differentiate my beliefs? Like there's the beliefs that I grew up with, you know, and I can see the parts of me that are scared from that, because now I'm scared or I can say, but I need this time to not do anything yeah and I'm like wow me not working.
Speaker 2:I naturally went to a space that would help me with my own awareness, because nothing outside of me was like, oh, you got to go to work or you got to put this business together to sustain yourself and to generate income and build a life. Instead, I just moved in with him and it was just insane, anyway.
Speaker 1:This is one of the reasons why, especially in the online space, you know where there's so much like. I'm going to make this money and I'm going to do this goal and I'm going to you know, and I love.
Speaker 1:I love being goal oriented, I love going after stuff and creating it and having fun in that way, cause I feel like that's what earth is here for and there's so much to be said for receiving all of the circumstantial things that you want, because that's when the real healing works begins. I pray you receive all the money you're asking for, because then you'll see that you can't out-earn your healing work and that you can't-.
Speaker 1:Out-earn healing work. Yeah, you can't out-earn your healing work and you can't out-perform it and you can't out-achieve it. It's that internal work that you now find yourself doing, with the support of journaling, like that reflection, the assessment, the acceptance, the awareness, all of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you, perfection the assessment, the acceptance, the awareness, all of it. Yeah, you, you, you can't keep working, and working, and working and never heal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, It'll still be waiting for you. Yeah, there's not enough dollars in the world, there's not enough accolades, trophies, awards, right Certificates that are going to like fill the void or make you more proud of you or turn up the volume on your worthiness. You know, because that's, that's the internal wrestling right. It's like if I'm not working, if I'm not contributing, if I don't bring value for other people, then do I matter? Am I worth anything?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean the definitely those are the themes that I think I do sort of look at differently now because of being told not to work, that work doesn't necessarily define who I am, and like the image that I create, like I would feel inferior if I didn't have a job that was not like minimum wage, since that's what I had. Like I went to college, I'm very educated, but it didn't necessarily lead me in the direction of this, like work, the you know corporate ladder create like a lot of different management for people and and and establish this, and that it didn't go that way and it always felt therefore, like not as important. Therefore, like if I couldn't do that, then I was not going to be successful in some capacity, even if it was creative, you know, even if it was like working in a creative agency. I couldn't seem to have gotten to that point either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have you asked your partner what it is that you contribute from his perspective?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think he said you know, I don't, he himself doesn't necessarily have the same level of awareness about the things that are sensitive. And he's like if you didn't bring these things up, might be more complacent. And I'm like I never would have thought about that. I thought it was just like a burden to be sensitive. So that was probably like the first thing he said. And every once in a while, like he'll try to say, like you know, if these emotions aren't necessarily there, then like I might him speaking as himself, I might not always be the practical one, I would be the optimistic one and there's that like level between optimism and practicality. And he's like you're so practical that like I wouldn't even have thought of that, I was just I would have been so excited for the thing. I feel like I'm seeing the emotional value, but now I'm trying to see it in a place of service.
Speaker 2:And I think what you're saying about, like the attunement, and how performance is a sense of survival, like a function and a purpose. I forget the other word you said, but you said purpose at least. Um, I never thought about that and I'm just now just curious on like, how to like expand upon that so I can see this from a place that like not worrying if people are going to say oh wow, that's really interesting, you know, and saying people take what they take and it's going to be useful no matter what. Even if it's not for them, it's good for me. Yeah, like I'm not secure in that. I have the knowledge of it but, I, don't feel it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you mean the non-attachment to the way that people respond.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like there's a part of me that's like I just want to know that it makes sense. I want to know that it's helpful and I don't want to feel needy for asking that. Yeah, yeah, well are your needs a burden, I mean emotionally I'm inclined to probably say yes. Why is that?
Speaker 1:in your mind.
Speaker 2:It's always. It's not always, but the story that I remember. So I was like two when my parents divorced. So what I remember is I would bring up these emotional depths and things and it would just be not seen as an opinion at that point. It would just be like, oh well, I have to prove that my authority is going to teach you what you need to know. And they didn't care about the other parent, they didn't trust the other parent. So it was me saying okay, I know we're going to disagree here and I know you have your experience, and it would stop. It wouldn't expand into, like, the value of my belief, the value of my opinion, how my opinions came together. None of that felt very comfortable. So I was like fear. And this part I found super interesting because I never felt like they didn't love me. I thought they loved me very much. But what I didn't realize and I learned this in September just because you feel like they love you doesn't mean that you feel safe and loved.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that is a distinction. Just because they loved you and you knew they loved you doesn't mean you feel safe and loved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was like this crazy, like nuanced detail that I never knew until a month ago. Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, like I'll be like I didn't cause their divorce, they caused their divorce. Yes, I don't want more love from both parents. So whenever people say that I'm like I don't want more love from both parents. So whenever people say that I'm like, I don't get it. But to feel safe in communicating, the moment that I restrict myself to say something, the moment that I don't feel like they will love me, so I better not say anything to upset them or to disappoint them or to challenge them. So I keep that to myself and they have their final opinion heard and validated because I'm not challenging it. That's the formation of like how I got to this point, seeing the other side of it, that there's a place that people want to hear what you need, what your needs are, what someone else's needs are, so bringing it to the table. You know, like that's where I'm at with that whole process.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing all of that. That's really profound. And I say it's profound because I think that so many of us can resonate with the position of not being met, and not for lack of love, right, but for a lack of skillset, you know, because what I hear you speaking to is a skillset. Learning to listen is a skill, learning to ask questions is a skill, learning to be present is a skill. So, as we grow into adulthood, this is a very vulnerable process, right Of like learning how to move in a way that is different, because you intellectually understand that not everybody's gonna respond to you like your parents.
Speaker 1:However, the body remembers this experience that was repeated right For at least the first, probably 15 years of your life, if not 20, and maybe they still do this now, I'm not sure you know, but collecting that evidence and really, then there's like a pendulum swing. So it's like you go from one end of not expressing yourself, withholding everything right, conceptual, or your requests or your emotional responses as a burden, as an inconvenience, as a disruptor, as a problem, and understanding that from the lens of people can't handle it right. I create discomfort, I create upset, I create suppression, create upset, I create suppression. When I open up, I get pushed back on that kind of experience and reprogramming the body to be in a position of like that pendulum swing of like, okay, I'm going to open up, on the other side, I'm going to go from being tight and constricted to now practicing opening up, which also means that I get to practice and learn the skill of being present to people's upset and letting them have it, letting them be with it.
Speaker 2:That does resonate. I do that a lot. I'm not going to step in and tell them an answer. I can give suggestions in my perspective, but I'm not there to tell you how to handle it For sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and then we swing back to the middle, right, where it's like we now have the skill set. The middle is like really being attuned ourselves into identifying the humans with whom we can be vulnerable, who are safe and loving places in both, and the people who are not, and deciding how we'll interact with both. Right and the example that I use in many of my coaching sessions is like you don't get mad at the cat because the cat can't bark.
Speaker 1:You understand that like this is a cat. This cat meows. It makes a few other noises too. But if I'm mad because this cat doesn't bark like a German shepherd does and I keep demanding that this cat bark like a German shepherd does, I will only be disappointed and it's almost abuse. It's almost like super unhealthy for me to continue to hold this expectation on this cat that it will bark like a German shepherd, rather than being attuned to it and going this is a cat, if I want to hear a bark like a German shepherd, maybe I should go find a German shepherd. It's like let me align with what I want you know and and ask for it, um, from the thing that has the capacity to deliver on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess how to begin or continue expanding upon the awareness of attunement versus performance and unconsciously abandoning yourself.
Speaker 1:Great question, yeah, yeah, there's something. There's something I want to say about performance, with things like accomplishment, with things like performance, with things like achievement, attunement, right, all of these things exist according to the law of paradox. So there's two sides to it. The performance of paradox. So there's two sides to it. The performance as we spoke about it earlier in our conversation that performance is oriented and birthed from the seed of survival. Right, that's what we like hashed out earlier.
Speaker 1:It's like you didn't perform because you didn't want to be you. You performed because you needed to have your needs met, and this is the best way to have your needs met. We all do this as children to some level, to some degree. And then, as we heal, we don't stop performing. We just change the orientation of where it comes from.
Speaker 1:So I don't go and coach people at my son's football games, right? I show up and in that role, I am mom. I am mom, I am fan. I'm lugging water. If it's my turn to bring water, I've got snacks. If it's my turn to bring snacks, I'm cheering with the cheerleaders. You know, when they tell me when to say defense, I say defense. So is that a performance? Sure, and it's a performance from the orientation of. I want to be a supportive mother. I want to show up, I want to contribute, I want to participate and be involved in a way that brings fun and light and love and energy to this experience with my son and for my son. Right, when you ask about attunement, when you ask about am I performing? Am I being authentic? Right, when you ask about attunement, when you ask about am I performing? Am I being authentic? Am I abandoning myself? The question I'd offer is where is it coming from? Like, what's the seed?
Speaker 2:I feel like I've been trying to attune for like at least two years I do. I do think that I am, that I look for that, but I guess it's like maybe, the maybe. The question is about comfortability with attunement and claiming that to be true, so that you can sort of continue working from that place.
Speaker 1:Sure, and also attunement. You got to be met with somebody who knows how to attune as well. The attunement is not a one way street. It's like how can I attune with somebody who at least has the desire and the willingness to learn how to attune to me? Because there are moments where, like my husband and I miss each other in attunement. I was like whoa, I missed that one. Like let me circle back, Let me circle back. But both of us have the willingness and the desire.
Speaker 1:So when I go, oh shoot, I missed that, I wanted to catch that, I didn't catch it. Can we go at this a different way? Can we try it again? I really want to understand this better, I really want to show up differently with this. And he's like, yeah, of course you know, and then we, then we meet each other again, so that that attunement is very much like you said at the beginning and I can't remember if you said this, like before we press record or not. Um, but it was like the dance. It's like both of us have to know what's about to happen. Or I'm going to dip and you're not going to catch me and we're going to have a problem, you know. And so it's like that to me is a really great visual.
Speaker 2:I actually said that right before we started where if you dance the female, or the feminine energy in that you have to be contained, otherwise too much freedom. You can go rogue Yep.
Speaker 1:So you need that sense of like yeah, we're walking this way now and you just got to follow, and that does require what you alluded to earlier and said explicitly, as well as safety right. If you lead me to a dip, you're going to catch me. You know like, don't lead me to a dip if you don't plan to catch me, because that's terrifying. Does that more? So, answer your questions around attunement and connection.
Speaker 2:I think so. I think that definitely answers questions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really appreciate you and your vulnerability in the way you showed up in this dialogue. I think it's really powerful. Is there anything else?
Speaker 2:I don't think so. I think it's more just me defining, allowing myself to set the intention of attunement and anything that I need to know from it in my daily life, and also performance for survival. That was also very different, so and also understanding what powerful really means you know. Understanding what that ripple effect will be, knowing it'll materialize eventually in a conscious way.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Thank you so much, rebecca, I appreciate you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:As we complete this episode, I would love to know your insights, takeaways and feedback. You can message me on Instagram at katielinrojano, or send them via email to katie at katielinrojanocom. Any products or digital downloads I mentioned can be found via the link in my Instagram bio. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to share it with at least one friend and leave a five-star review so we can get these impactful dialogues into the lives of even more people. I would also like to thank my guests for their vulnerability and generosity and allowing us to learn from them and grow alongside them. Until next time, friends, let's go beyond.