BEYOND

Ep. 30 Transforming Scarcity: Healing and Financial Freedom with Kelly

Katie Lynn Rojano

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Join me, Katie Lynn, as I coach the inspiring Kelly on overcoming a scarcity mentality through generational healing.

Imagine leaving the comfort of a steady paycheck to launch your own business; it's a leap that requires not just courage but a profound shift in mindset. 

Kelly shares her personal story of navigating financial anxieties as I support her in  breaking free from deeply ingrained beliefs around money, patterns she recognized within her family. Our discussion paints a vivid picture of the unique blend of wealth and poverty in Los Angeles, a city that profoundly influences perceptions of financial security and abundance.

We candidly explore the power of shifting focus from what we lack to what we already possess. By examining the archetypes of who we aspire to be and those we strive to avoid, Kelly and I discuss aligning actions with our desired selves.

Personal anecdotes reveal how past fears can shape our current realities and how understanding these patterns propels personal growth. Kelly's reflections on her mother's cautious approach to money, shaped by generational experiences, offer insights into the role family history plays in shaping our relationship with money.

The conversation takes a deeper turn as we discuss the neutrality of money and the stories we attach to it. 

We highlight the tension between the desire for abundance and the fear of mismanagement, encouraging a shift from limitation to possibility. 

Kelly shares how she balances the fear and uncertainty of building a new business while holding onto her savings as a safety net. 

By trusting the process and embracing resilience, this episode offers a roadmap for transforming beliefs around money and abundance, setting the stage for a more prosperous future. Join us for the breakthroughs as we navigate these powerful themes with openness and curiosity.

For inquiries email: katie@katielynnrojano.com

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Speaker 1:

Hello, my friend, and welcome to Beyond the personal growth podcast for the people who are healing beyond their conditioning and beyond the cycles that played out before them. My name is Katie Lynn and, with 20 years of experience in the field of psychology and human behavior, I am bringing my natural curiosity, expertise and personal life experiences here for discussions that are guaranteed to be informative, inspiring and entertaining. I'm glad you're here. Let's get started. Today on the podcast, we have Kelly Kelly. Thank you so much for being on Beyond. What would you like to create?

Speaker 2:

I would like to create an even better mentality around how I view money. I'm really interested in completely relieving myself of the scarcity mentality around monetary gain, flow, inflow, outflow, and so I would love a little bit more insight on that from you.

Speaker 1:

Oh, this is such a great topic. Okay, how does this show up for you currently, this scarcity?

Speaker 2:

It's just a deep rooted thing that I've been dealing with for a long time, and so it's really about reprogramming at this point. But I just left my full-time job in April and took a leap and started my own business, and so now we have money in our savings account. My husband is a freelancer he's still working, but I have been the breadwinner for a really long time in our relationship, and so it felt like there's a lot of responsibility on me to be able to provide, and so now the script is flipped and it's something that I realized I really needed. But I'm also having to contend with the feelings of not having a regular paycheck, and that was something that I got used to, so I hope that answers the question. I'm like I could go off on a tangent over here, but I hope that that makes sense.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yes, it does. I mean, the changing of roles is still an adjustment, even if it's something that we know that we need and even if it's something that's really important for us. So much grace to yourself and your body as it adjusts to this new dynamic between you and your career, but also you and your husband. So my question, my first question, because I'm sure I'll have a lot of questions is did you have an awareness of scarcity when you had a job?

Speaker 2:

Yes, it's almost like it's gotten better since I left the job in some ways, but part of that is because of the amount of personal work that I did in the last year to reprogram the thinking behind the scarcity mentality.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so how did that scarcity look when you were in the job?

Speaker 2:

It looked like I felt like I was always falling behind and living in a place like Los Angeles where it's very expensive and there's financial abundance all around us. I'm constantly comparing and feeling like what I have isn't enough and I guess I don't know. I just noticed I started noticing patterns within my, the way that I was moving through things. I was like every single time that I get worried it ends up being okay, and so maybe I need to investigate that a little bit more and try to not live in this scarcity mentality and the way that I that I have been. I need to rid this from my life. But I think it was always just like maybe it's more of a lack thing, it's. It's it's the two, the two evil things of scarcity and lack kind of working together and making it feel like I'm constantly seeking more.

Speaker 1:

How would? How is it benefiting you Like a scarcity and lack what, what? Why would it be staying for so long?

Speaker 2:

Ooh, some kind of a deep rooted protection thing, I guess to keep me safe. Yeah, it's like now that I have more clarity on some of my traumas and my triggers, like from nothing, I know that it's protecting me from nothing, like it's it's literally just some kind of programming from child. I mean, I see, I see the patterns in me, also in my mom, and it's been kind of like a passed down thing.

Speaker 2:

You just identify it as a child, and you see that this is how our relationship with money is, and I've just I just continued the cycle, and so so how?

Speaker 1:

did it serve mom.

Speaker 2:

It really. It really didn't. It was the same. It was the same thing. I remember we would go, we would go shopping or something. She'd be like, let's go shopping. She would feel like excited to go and get that endorphin release. And then I could tell after the fact that there was this feeling of regret, like when she would get the credit card bill or something. And when I think about her life, she grew up in some means. My grandfather was a doctor and he invested well, and I really don't know where that mentality came from. I really don't understand it. I mean, it happens with people who are really wealthy as well.

Speaker 1:

Sure, yeah, it's interesting because, as you described, as you described LA, so I'm in the LA area.

Speaker 2:

Okay, it was interesting to hear your hi.

Speaker 1:

It was interesting to hear your description of LA, because the description was you know, we live in LA where it's very expensive to live, and that's accurate. The cost of living is higher than your average and there's wealth everywhere, which is also true. And there's a big other half of that story that is just as true, which is LA walks the line of contrast. Like you will drive, you will drive one block and you will see all of the luxury vehicles, you will see all of the luxury stores and you will hit the next block and you've got tents where there is complete and total lack, complete and total scarcity. So it's interesting the way that your brain is telling the story to you, that like it's got, like, like the brain is like this flashlight that's highlighting right, it's like spotlighting, that there's all this wealth and there's all this. You know, and I'm not a part of that and I'm left out, and it's like let's first step, let's tell the whole story. The whole story of LA is that it's really both at the same time. It is inspiring and heartbreaking all at once. When you drive through, especially like city center right and certain parts of Los Angeles, it's like you don't know if you're in one of the wealthiest places or you're in one of the poorest places, really, and both are true, you know. So just highlighting that so that you can kind of have greater awareness around how you're telling yourself stories and what feelings those stories that you tell yourself are creating for you in a moment, just as a highlight.

Speaker 1:

And then I want to go to mom, because I heard you say it's really, it really didn't serve mom, right, this like scarcity, this kind of it felt like. It seemed like, as you were describing, kind of like a rollercoaster, like a ride she got on right when it's like adrenaline, endorphins, like so much fun let's take. Like what mother doesn't love to take their daughter shopping? I don't know, I don't have a daughter, but like in my, in my mind, I'm like I would probably love to take my daughter shopping, you know, and like just have that fun experience with her. And then there's this like high, and then the bill comes right or there, and then there's this drop and this like guilt and shame and maybe self-criticism that comes up. And I heard you say it didn't serve her. Uh, which is accurate. That's probably really true. I'm wondering if you might have an idea of what it protected her from.

Speaker 2:

Can we? I want to talk about the contrast in LA for a second Sure. It's like I'm choosing to see the abundance and feeling like I am not that, versus looking at the tents and saying I'm really grateful for the amount that I do have and that comes up for me a lot too, like I do sit in gratitude and I appreciate the things that I have. And I one of my husband and I did this exercise the other day where we thought about all the things that we were concerned weren't going to happen and how they have unfolded and that allowed us to to see that we can trust in the process and the universe and it's like cool. So what other fun things are going to come our way?

Speaker 2:

And like when you're, when you're living in the moment, like we want to live in the moment, right, we want to be, we want to be present, but it's like when you're staying in that moment, you're not seeing the forest for the trees and you realize that, like I'm in the middle of the process right now. Yeah, so thank you, that was that's really helpful. I'm like I need to start putting the flashlight on the tents instead of on the on the big houses, and not thinking about how I don't have things, Cause I do. I have a great life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and there's a theme in the thinking.

Speaker 1:

We'll get to your, we'll get to your mom. I love that you said this. I just want to highlight this while we're here. There's a theme in the thinking and you'll hear it when you listen back to this of the not. Yeah, I'm not that, I don't want to be that, I don't want to experience that. It's like the not, not, not. And Again we go back to like what's the whole story? The whole story is. It's important to know what we don't want to be like, like.

Speaker 1:

I believe in creating two characters. There's the character of the woman that I'm working towards, right, I'm working on becoming her in every moment and being her in every moment. She's inspiring, she's amazing. She's, you know, service oriented. She's mission driven, she's just like this beautiful breath of fresh air on the planet, you know, and she loves being her and she loves living. That's, that's her right. I'm going towards her and I'm bringing her forward to the best of my ability every single day.

Speaker 1:

And then there's a very clear picture of the woman I don't want to be. She's anxious, she's fearful, she's overthinking everything, she's overindulging in everything. She doesn't take care of her health, she doesn't take care of anything. She kind of doesn't get out of bed. She's like depression and anxiety and trauma response embodied, and it's important for me to know the archetypes of both because I can catch the habits that I might be doing that's in alignment with who I don't want to be, and get rid of those real quick. Right, shift those really fast. That helps to bring clarity and then it also helps me to live into who I say I want to be in every moment.

Speaker 1:

So I'm hearing that you have a very clear archetype of like who I'm not right, who I don't want to be, who I don't. I don't want to be the woman that lacks. I don't want to be the woman that's living in scarcity. I don't want to be the woman that's always worrying about when is the next shoe going to drop or what's coming, even though I have plenty of evidence that I'm can navigate anything right, like I've been successful a hundred percent of the time. You know in in the big scheme of things. So just noticing those two being like okay, have I? Let's look at both, okay, yeah. So tell me about mom. What. What did? What was mom protecting herself from?

Speaker 2:

Probably a worst case scenario that she created in her head. She my mom and dad got divorced when I was two and a half I was born in in Florida. We lived there for six months and then we moved out to the Seattle area where my dad's brother and some family are, and then at two and a half we moved back to Virginia where I'm from. So my mom and I and then my dad ended up following at a certain point so he could be close to me. But I feel like my mom felt like she always had to do it all on her own, even though my dad was helping. He was very present in my life and he's still present in my life, but I think there was like a it was like a feast or famine kind of mentality and she stayed in the same job for 30 years, as a lot of baby boomers do and have, but she didn't take a lot of risks because she ended up having me at a pretty young age. My mom and dad didn't know each other super well and then they ended up getting married because they were having a kid and so I think she's always kind of been in like a, in like a, guarding herself and making sure that everything's going to be okay, kind of headspace.

Speaker 2:

It was interesting Cause I remember my my mom's mom was like a, a super spender and she would like swipe her credit card for all this stuff. She started going into debt when she was older and my mom and her her sisters were all like, oh my God, what are we going to do? And mom dies, like how are we going to handle all of this? And they got so concerned that they were going to have to deal with this thing. That never ended up happening. My grandmother passed away kind of like out of nowhere at 79. And she none of the things they were worried about happened. And I think that that really switched something for my mom in a lot of ways, where she realized, oh my God, like I spent all this time, this energy, worrying about the things that that were going to happen. That never came to fruition. And I've noticed a big change in her since then, but there's always been like a cautiousness, yes, throughout her whole life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Okay. So if you had to sort of write down based on mom's behavior, based on your behavior?

Speaker 2:

what are some of the beliefs that show up? Oh, some of the deep rooted beliefs. For me, around money have been more money, more problems. There's always been like a negative. There's like a weird dichotomy that's going on with money. It's like we really want it, but we don't want to be the type of people who have it. You know whatever that means.

Speaker 1:

Great catch, great, fantastic. So this is what I call competing intentions. Which fantastic. So this is what I call competing intentions. There's an internal conflict, a conflict of interest, which is really like a breeding ground for shame and guilt. I want that, but I don't want to be like that. And here's the beautiful thing Money is neutral.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that my husband says that I absolutely love is he's like money's never stood up and punched you in the face. So it's always this neutral thing that was leveraged in certain ways by humans. Money doesn't move itself. Somebody has to come in. Even with tech, somebody has to come in and move that money, you know. So it's a neutral thing, and the importance of understanding this neutrality is to get really clear about what we're projecting onto money and the stories that we're writing and giving, handing off to money.

Speaker 1:

You could replace the word money with food. You could replace the word money with cars. You could replace right, because all of this stuff that's external is very neutral. It's almost always neutral, and so money is just the area in which the universe, or God or whatever word you put on the door, is showing you like hey, look at, this is what you think about you. This is where you and so the, the belief that I'm hearing for that you and your mom share. That's so subtle. It is so like subconscious. Do you? Do you have a guess of what it might be?

Speaker 2:

Well, shame came up, so maybe it's something around that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah so so I have this process that I use and I create it it's called the power process and you have a situation, right, and then you have your internal dialogue, and then your internal dialogue creates your feeling. So the feeling would fall in shame, right, but the internal dialogue is really what's informing that feeling, and it's so subtle sometimes, most of the times, we catch the feeling miles before we catch the internal dialogue, because your brain is smart enough to know that if you catch that internal dialogue, you're going to change it, and if you change it, then your identity is going to change, and the brain does not like change. The brain is like absolutely not. We will arm wrestle you to the end of time for this, you know. So there's a belief there. Do you have a guess?

Speaker 2:

That my brain's going in multiple directions. Speaking of the brain, yeah. It's something around. If I have money or have too much, then I'm not a good person or I don't know, cause that's not. That's not really how I feel, but I'm like that could be my internal dialogue. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Sure.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

So what if I said if I don't have money then I can't. Yeah, if I do have money then I can't. If I don't have money then I can't do what I want to do and live the way I want to live. If I, if I do have money, then I can't be like those people.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and money's just an energy.

Speaker 1:

Oh, money is, yeah, and I would even say, money's not even an energy. Money is, money is is just like this pillow.

Speaker 2:

It's just giving the energy.

Speaker 1:

Money is just like this pillow. We give it the energy we give it like. I love this pillow. It's so. The color is just. Oh, my God, I love the texture. It's great. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But there's somebody out there who's going to say this is the ugliest pillow they've ever seen in their life. It's a beautiful pillow.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, no one can see it.

Speaker 1:

I know nobody can see it right, I'm holding this really pretty pink pillow. But that's what I want to make really clear about money is that even the idea of money as an energy is yes, because everything is energy, it's neither created nor destroyed, it just is right. And we project so much energy onto inanimate objects, yes. So one person, the pillow I'm holding is like this is a beautiful pillow. Another person was like I hate that color pillow, it's ugly, I don't like the shape, I don't like like right, and it's all perception and energy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so the thing that when I hear you talk about your mom, I hear a woman who, who really at the core, was afraid that she couldn't, I can't, I can't take that risk, and it had nothing to do with having a baby, it had nothing to do. You were, you hadn't, you never came to your mom and said you shouldn't take that risk. You know what I mean Like, and you have so much proof. I'm, I'm, I was a single mother for five years before I met my husband and started my business and worked few jobs, and you know what I mean Like there was. That story was never a part of my story, but it wasn't for anything other than this idea that, like I must right, like I can't, couldn't, live there because I must overwrote it. So it really is like we decide and it's and it's not always a conscious choice, right?

Speaker 1:

So mom was born to a woman who said I can't control myself, yeah. So then mom was like if I become like my mother, oh my gosh. So let me go opposite. Yeah, I can't take risk. I can't take that risk. Or I'm gonna become like my mom. I can't take that risk, or I'm gonna get in heaps of debt. I can't take that risk. Get in heaps of debt, I can't take that risk. And then there's you that has both grandmother and mom, right? So you've got the aspect that's like I want all the like, give me all the money, bring me all the abundance. Like why wouldn't I want this abundance?

Speaker 2:

And then there's the other competing belief, that's like.

Speaker 1:

You can't have it because you can't be trusted with it.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

How does that feel?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's funny because my grandmother she died in 2012 and she's like my spirit guide, like I see her in a lot of things and I think that she was always very spiritual and like she would go to UFO conferences, like she was just very out there and I just appreciated that about her so much and so I feel like she does come to me through my intuition sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And she's the guiding force behind. Like, just trust, it'll be fine, do the thing take the leap of faith? Um, but then, yeah, it is. It is interesting to have conflicting um, like my. My mind is my own worst enemy sometimes, honestly. Oh for all of us, like everybody's, for all of us.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's like, especially when we don't know how to leverage it. Once you know how to leverage it, it's the most powerful thing you ever tap into. It is beyond anything AI could ever touch, even now. And and and then there's this, this truth that, like nobody ever really taught us, you know, like nobody ever sat us down it's. I'm 20 years in on on learning this, you know, and practicing it and embodying it, and there's still stuff I'm working out. There's still, you know.

Speaker 1:

So it's like it's it's not one of those quick fix kind of a things. There's a lot of progress that can be made really fast and once you understand how to use it, it's like the whole world opens up and still human, you know stuff's still going to still on planet earth. You know still going to be dealing with stuff that happens on planet earth. So what I hear that's so fantastic in your, in your share and your reflection about your grandmother, is that there is this force that's always running that is actually reminding you that you can. And so what if worst case scenario happens? What if it does? What would you do?

Speaker 2:

It would be really crappy, but I would figure out how to make it through. I mean, I've had I guess I've rock bottomed plenty of times, but it makes me more resilient, so figure it out Exactly.

Speaker 1:

That's the belief, that's the truth.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that I'm just having a kind of an aha moment. It's like the fear around rock bottoming is so much worse than actually rock bottoming. Yeah, yeah, so that's a. That's a good, good takeaway.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's a great takeaway, yeah, and then, how many times has it not happened in the way that I'm afraid it's going to happen?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, one of one of my biggest fears is like, okay, we have money in our savings right now. That's getting us through my husband, so like he's got some income. What I desire, what we desire to do with what's in our savings, is not go through it. It's utilize it for something that can build us more wealth, like real estate or something. But right now, we don't have the capacity to be able to go and spend it on something, because I am building a new thing and we need it as a safety net. So my worst case scenario is more so not being able to use that money for something that we desire, but it's because I'm afraid in the back of my mind that we're never going to get it back again, and I think that's what is really messing with me, and I'm like, of course, of course, in my stronger moments, when my mind is not racing, I get to a point where I'm like, of course I'm going to make that back again because I did it already, so why would I not do it again?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I, of course. And also it's interesting because this is moving from. This is moving as if whatever you're doing won't work. Yeah, it's actually like the energy of betting against yourself.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so how do I? So? I launched my new business in August and one of the big things here is that I had spent years building a network and then my expectation was, once I launched this, I'm going to get a client really easily and it's going to. I'm not going to I'm still going to have to do work, but it's going to flow. And then that didn't happen exactly the way that I was thinking it would.

Speaker 2:

But I'm also grateful that things are working out the way that they are, because I'm having so many different conversations with people. I'm gaining all these bits of insight. All of these things that I'm learning are going to help me progress and really help other people along the way. But I'm also getting really heady because the thing that I expected didn't happen, yeah, and so there are moments like here. I'm only like seven weeks in or something.

Speaker 2:

In the whole scheme of things, that's not long at all, but what I'm seeing right now is what's going to be forever Like. I get into these head spaces where and this is how it was when we lived in our we lived in a, in a condo and a neighborhood that we didn't really love, in a building that was kind of falling apart, because we did what we could with what we had, um, and we made a sacrifice to live somewhere that we weren't that excited about, but then we were able to sell the condo, make some money off of that which now is in our savings, and getting us through this moment, allowing me to take a leap, and we love where we live now and we're so much happier. And so I really felt like I was going to be stuck in that moment forever, living in that condo, because I couldn't like I said earlier, I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And now I'm kind of back in that same headspace. But I keep getting little signs from the universe, the ether, from nature that I got while I was living where we were living in our condo and those things changed and so I'm like, okay, cool, I just have to trust again. Like that is the theme that comes up for me all the time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. And why is this going to work?

Speaker 2:

Because I'm incredibly passionate about it and because I know that it's a good idea.

Speaker 2:

And I think one of the things that I've realized is like I launched this business based off of things that I saw in my previous job that I felt could be better, and so my career path is in photography. I've been a photographer and then I moved into photography management, so I was working for a big brand. I decided to create a consulting company based off of what I thought could be improved within the photography industry and then also within brands. But what I'm noticing right now is that, even though I feel strongly about it and I see that it's really important, I'm having to explain it to other people. I'm having to explain the importance to the people who I'm trying to sell the idea to, and that's the part where I was like, oh, I didn't expect that this was going to have to be such a, or this was going to be such a hard bargain. Like, well, maybe, maybe what I'm going to end up doing is going to pivot in ways that I was never even expecting for sure, and I want to get excited about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. So I'd like to offer a perspective that could be supportive because, right, we saw that I can't, and what's more true is I figure it out Right. So it's not that I can't. There are things that I can't do right. Like I I am, I cannot go deep sea diving. I am not qualified, I'm not trained. Like that's for me personally. I can just tell you honestly, I can't. However, if I needed to, if there was a reason I could figure it out, yes, no. So it's like that. Do you see, like that distinction?

Speaker 1:

There's like a distinction there of like I can't might be true and I can figure it out is almost always true. So, and you have so much proof of that. So the, the, the beliefs that are like, the ideas and the thoughts and the beliefs that are true and we have evidence are powerful. Those get dropped in and integrated really fast. The other idea is that you live just for consideration based on your history. You live in a universe that is always working to pleasantly surprise you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so like I call this for me, for myself, I call it the brat, and the brat is like.

Speaker 1:

I want it my way, I want it my way, I want it on my timeline, I want it in my color scheme, I want it in my. You know, like the brat is like me, me, me, me, me, me. And I have gotten to work with her so much because the brat is is she can only see like one eighth of what God is trying to give to her, yep, so she's actually choosing in every moment. Her ideas are so small, even when they feel big to me, they're so small compared to what the universe is actually conspiring for on my behalf. Yeah, so it's like the universe gives me this tiny little picture, right, like those little like when you go to the mall and you take pictures and you know the pictures are like one by one inch and it like like I get this little tiny one by one inch picture of what it's going to be like and then the universe is always giving me an eight by 10. Yeah, it's like always giving me this and I'm I'm like whoa, I could never have planned this.

Speaker 1:

On my best day, I could never have dreamed this up yeah and that's what I hear in this is that, like the, the, the self that you have that still has its legs in like fear and like a little bit of like whatever you know, like as we build up your worthiness. Because that's what I hear is like am I worthy? Am I could I really, is that possible? Right, like it's like yes, absolutely. And part of the reason you've got to educate these people is because you're an innovator and if they saw this problem, they would have solved for it already, but they can't see it. So part of the innovator is like oh, I got to, I'm going to look like the weirdo for a while, you know, until they catch on and see how beneficial these ripple effects are.

Speaker 1:

I don't know why this example came up. We see this in alcohol energy with like the adaptogenic drinks, right when they're like making these like tonics that are non-alcoholic, that still give you this beautiful. You know they don't have all these side effects. They don't have. They're like a great alternative and initially they didn't take right away. Because it's like you got to educate people, you got to, you got to help humans, because we have a hard time helping ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes we can be so stubborn right, we can be so set in our ways, so stubborn, and it's like no, actually there is a world where you can have that little buzz that you love from the alcoholic drink and not be hung over and not like. This is available and you know, and so like. There's a lot of people who have gotten on board and there's still some people that are like side-eyeing it. But that's the, that's the role of the innovator. The innovator goes hey, y'all, we got a problem here and I got a solution and it's going to make all of our lives better. And now you got to educate them.

Speaker 2:

It's so funny you brought both of those things up because I'm like I've been eyeing those brands so hard, like Dessois and Gia, like all those and I'm in the photo world and so I'm like they are doing some beautiful stuff, but also I wonder what's going on behind the scenes, with the way that they communicate and how they connect with their freelance photographers and all that. So, if anybody out there is listening but yeah, that's funny, like just right now, in some of the things that you said, I'm like, okay, there's a little like ping, there you go, this is, this is aligning. We're connecting on things that I've been thinking about without you even realizing it.

Speaker 1:

So amazing, amazing, yeah, yeah. How do you feel now?

Speaker 2:

I feel really good. I it's. You know it's a. It's a roller coaster internally for all of us at times and like I feel very, very confident in a lot of ways and like, if I look at a year ago versus now, I am a very different version of myself. Or even like a year and a half ago versus now, and I know that we're all a work in progress. I'm like I need to acknowledge how much growth I've made and not be so focused on that little, one by one. And the brat oh my God the brat. I'm like I have that so bad.

Speaker 1:

It's a thing and it's so funny Cause I'll be like, my husband will be like, babe, I'm being a brat, huh. And he'll be like, and I'm like, ah, you're right, You're right, you're right, let me, let me, let me back up, let me, you know. And the brat is just my fear. Yep, it's fear, because it's that, it's that aspect of me that still maybe, in some way, shape or form, doesn't feel worthy of the bigness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I think, um, one last little thing that I've noticed with me is like I do feel pulled to something much bigger and I do feel worthy of something much bigger.

Speaker 2:

But I think sometimes it's about getting out of my own way, because I realized that I'm trying to control the way that the big thing happens, instead of just being pleasantly surprised, and I'm constantly thinking of, like, the steps in which I need to take to get to whatever the next thing is. And I find, on the days when I decide that I'm going to take a relaxing day, or like this Wednesday when I, I think, whenever you and I were supposed to meet the first time, I ended up being like I'm just gonna, I, I'm just going to kind of chill a little bit today, and on that day, when I wasn't forcing anything, I got a couple of emails that made me feel like things are progressing or people are seeing me, and so I think I need to do a lot more of that too, like just really moving into letting go more and, yeah yeah, so hard, so much harder.

Speaker 1:

For sure, especially when we've oriented to that identity of the doer.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Over-identified with the doer and it's like like God needs space too, like the universe needs space too, and so, like I got to make sure that I'm doing my best to like do what needs to be done for sure, show up consistently and in excellence and get 1% better every day. Yes, all of that, and then give it some space. You know, it's like that metaphor of like you put cookies in the oven and then you're checking on them every 30 seconds and it's like, girl, just set a timer and come back. You know, like you've done what you need to do, the mix is right, everything's proper. Put them in the oven, set a timer, let yourself chill, go find something else to focus on and then come back when the timer goes off and reevaluate. You know.

Speaker 1:

Yes absolutely yeah, yeah, awesome.

Speaker 2:

Anything else, I think that's good. I'm going to just let the cookies bake.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. Now I'm having like that cookie smell. Come in, the memories are so strong. Thank you so much, bio. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to share it with at least one friend and leave a five-star review so we can get these impactful dialogues into the lives of even more people. I would also like to thank my guests for their vulnerability and generosity in allowing us to learn from them and grow alongside them. Until next time, friends, let's go beyond.