BEYOND
BEYOND
EP 15. BEYOND Financial Security: Embracing Adventure and Emotional Growth with Mikkel
Have you ever felt the tug of adventure while being tethered by financial and emotional constraints?
Our guest, Mikkel, is featured on this episode of Beyond. I coach Mikkel as she navigates the heartfelt and raw journey of balancing a deep yearning for exploration with the realities of financial stability.
Transitioning from a lucrative sales career to nurturing her own budding business, Mikkel opens up about the emotional challenges she faces, from sadness and disappointment to the looming shadow of shame. This episode delves into her quest for connection with nature, the pursuit of a supportive community, and how she’s navigating the complex dynamics of her husband's unsatisfying job while aspiring to fulfill her own dreams.
Immerse yourself in a transformative coaching session that traverses the path from unconscious habits to conscious personal growth.
We break down the power of internal dialogue, shedding light on how shifting from negative self-talk to inspired action can create positive outcomes. Through practical exercises and the exploration of empathic and intuitive processing, we reveal the necessity of aligning thoughts with accurate beliefs to foster motivation and a sense of purpose. Join us as we emphasize self-compassion, the importance of creative expression, and aligning daily activities with passion—ultimately crafting a life that resonates with growth and adventure.
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Hello, my friend, and welcome to Beyond the personal growth podcast for the people who are healing beyond their conditioning and beyond the cycles that played out before them. My name is Katie Lynn and, with 20 years of experience in the field of psychology and human behavior, I am bringing my natural curiosity, expertise and personal life experiences here for discussions that are guaranteed to be informative, inspiring and entertaining. I'm glad you're here. Let's get started. Today on the podcast we have Mikkel Mikkel, thank you so much for being on today. Where would you like to begin?
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you so much for having me and coaching me here.
Speaker 2:So in my life right now, I want more adventure, I want to travel more, I want to explore and I feel held back a bit, partially due to my husband and his work.
Speaker 2:But he's also not happy about his work too, so it makes it hard for me to be like, okay, we're staying because of his work that he doesn't enjoy, so that makes it hard, but for him he needs a reason to leave, and me I could just pack up the car and just go. So I love him, I want to be with him, and so it's finding that balance together to figure out how we want to continue our lives in a way that brings an adventure and ways that feel good to both of us. Adventure and ways that feel good to both of us, yeah, and I think part of that is like money and bringing in stability without his job. So there's a balance between those two things of wanting that adventure, wanting to explore, wanting to go camping or go to an Airbnb for a couple of months, but then also having the income and stability to be able to feel comfortable doing that as well.
Speaker 2:Oh that sounds fun. Just this whole idea sounds amazing. Okay, what is an adventure for you? Yes, being out in nature. More so. We're down in Orange County now at the beach, which is amazing, but there's also a lot of people, and especially since it's summer here now. But there's also a lot of people, and especially since it's summer here now, there's a lot more people as well, and so I feel like with the sun, with the weather, it's like oh yes, we're like blossoming, we're getting out and it's time for something new, and so it's fun to be able a van or somewhere that has more access to it all. Right now, we're in a neighborhood and like we'll hear weed whackers and other things all the time dogs barking and everything, and so getting out a little bit more is the adventure.
Speaker 2:I also like exploring new areas too, so having that community in different places or like staying at hostels I really enjoy, just because that community aspect of it as well.
Speaker 1:Beautiful. Okay, I heard you briefly mention your husband's work and that as a source of income, because I'm hearing the, I'm hearing the theme of adventure requires financial resources, which is not entirely wrong, right, like it does require you're going to need some gas in your car, you're going to need some food to eat, you're going to need a place to stay if you're going to stay overnight. So there's accuracy there. And then I heard you sort of drop in like your business. Yeah, where has what's going on?
Speaker 2:there. Yes, so I am working on growing. My business is not where I want it to be and not bringing a lot or any income right now, and so that's hard to see and be like okay, like we want to go on. I want to go on these ventures, but I'm not making money to do so and I'm relying on my husband to do that right now. That like I'm making plans and things are changing and shifting, but that's the current situation today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and what do you? I think the language I heard you use is that's not where I want it to be. What do you attribute that to?
Speaker 2:I think for a long time it has been. I've been supported. I haven't needed the money because of my husband.
Speaker 2:So it's been a shift and seeing like, oh wait, like no, I do want the money. No, I, I do want this. And in the past, when I've made lots of money, it's been stressful, it's been overwhelming, it's been too much, and so now, this time, I'm changing it to be able to do it in a way that feels good and it is enjoyable to me, and so it's very different. Um, but it's a recent shift that I've been like, oh, that's what was going on, oh, it doesn't have to be like that, and being able to step into doing it my way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you do have experience making I'm going to use your words lots of money.
Speaker 2:I do Can you tell me more about that? Yeah, so I was in sales and automation before a couple of years, before coaching and a little different things in between. But yeah, so in the sales arena I was doing pretty well selling automation equipment there, and then at the startup that I was working at when I left beforehand, I was making over six figures. Startup that I was working at when I left beforehand, I was making over six figures. And so like to see that and to see where I'm at now, it's like dum, dum, dum. But like I know that I can do it, I know I can be there, and so that's great to have as reference for my brain to be like, oh no, you're not making the money. It's like no, you have. And I've been coaching for a long time now and so to put all those different pieces together, I know I can do it, yeah.
Speaker 1:What's the don't, don't, don't the that noise? Can you put a word to that?
Speaker 2:Sadness, disappointment, shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just want to honor those. The presence of those, because they're important and transition from one chapter of life into another, can be very much like here. You're back at ground zero, right, especially when you change fields or you change professions or the way in which you are existing in the world now and your function is entirely different. Well, although there is a lot of sales and coaching, so you're not so far from it, but it can take an. It's an emotional experience. Yes, put it that way. Yeah, so which situation would you pick? I would like to have more adventures or I would like to have the money to have adventures?
Speaker 2:That's a good question, because I think in my mind it has been like oh, I had to have money to have adventures. But in reality, I can just have adventures. So yes to adventures, yes to freedom with it all. I think part of the reason why I want the money is so my husband feels more comfortable with it all too, because he is a little tight to be like oh, we don't have any money, we don't know what's going on, so leaving gets hard for him. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so grateful that he's so committed to the stability you know and both of you being resourced for what you need to live day to day that's amazing. What you need to live day to day that's amazing. The other thing. So the reason I'm really like unraveling this and getting so specific is because the specificity really helps with the actions and the implementation of what really needs to shift. So the specificity, when I hear adventure, I hear newness, yes, unfamiliar newness. So in some ways, we might say growing the business is an adventure. True. Do you have any resistance to that? The concept of it being an adventure?
Speaker 2:Growing business, ah yes yes there it is right, it's like I know there's something I don't know what there is yeah, so would you say yes, there's resistance, there's something there.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure like how in depth it is or what it is. I think it's partially because I've done in the past and how I've made money in the past with the business, it's not been ways that have been sustainable for me. So to see that and be like, oh, that's my experience, that's my past with it all, it doesn't have to be my future, but that's how I've done it. So I feel like that's probably some of the resistance there.
Speaker 1:What did? What were the ways that you grew business in the past?
Speaker 2:Yes, it was through one-on-one coaching, so I had clients with it all.
Speaker 1:And, and can you explain a little bit more about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I had six one-on-one clients and that at that point in time, was enough, almost too much for me. It was like, okay, I'm done, like I'm full, um, but it didn't bring in the finances that I want, and so that was probably still in my mind too, of that resistance, of being like, okay, if I do it again, I'm not going to make the money that I want with it all.
Speaker 1:What was your solution for coming out of that? Uh it, whenever something's not in alignment, for me, it all falls apart, so I don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Uh, so my clients started at the window way and I was like no clients and then like one kept on for a little bit, then I got one or two and then they all fall off.
Speaker 1:So so they all fall off. And then you? What happens with you?
Speaker 2:With me. I wrote my book, which allowed me time and space to do that which was congratulations, yeah, congratulations.
Speaker 1:That's huge writing. A book is major yes, I.
Speaker 2:And then from there I picked a couple clients and then I am where I am today with no clients have my book out, working on getting a podcast, like I am here today, as well as being on bundles, social media, emails, that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to go on a little tangent here. Are you willing to come with me? Yeah, okay. So what is the next five years of your life about for you?
Speaker 2:first thing that came to mind was growth and expansion, and I'm like, oh, so much. I don't, yeah, but there is always growth expansion for me and everyone in general, but especially for me, so it will be hat. So I guess, with that knowing that it's like enjoyment of choosing the path that I want to do and to lead with it all, um, and growing in ways that are more in alignment and having less resistance to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I would love to hear more about that initial, so everybody who's listening can hear us. But when I record these episodes, I do it so I can see Mikkel, and there was this physical expression you heard it where it was like ah, this, like the word that comes to my mind is drudgery. I would love to hear more about it from your perspective, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's where my mind with it is right now is seeing and thinking like, oh, it's gonna be my past like repeated on my future, and just like seeing that again and being like, oh, like all that growth, all that expansion, but in reality, like I'm a different person today, I'm creating a different future. Yeah, um. So that's really cool to see and realize, being like, okay, that doesn't have to be and won't be my future.
Speaker 1:So thank you for that. What about your past? Would you like to leave there? All of it?
Speaker 2:like each day, I want to be a different person, a more expansive alignment, individual yeah, how would you know that you're in alignment?
Speaker 2:feels good, I'm enjoying it. It doesn't feel like a to-do list. So sometimes some days I'll come in and be like, okay, I have to do these things, and other days I just come in and I'm like, what do I want to do? And I do it and it. Oh cool, I did a lot today. Don't quite remember everything that I did, but I did a lot and it felt good. That feels really nice for me and being able to work on projects that I have. So I'm working on a money book journal and so like things like that where I can be creative and speak and share what I have going on in my own experiences. I love that.
Speaker 1:And how are you doing that now?
Speaker 2:Yes, Through podcasting, through social media, through my books.
Speaker 1:Yes, Okay, I have a process. It's my signature process. It's called the power process. Signature process. It's called the power process, and I would love to run you through it because there is an opportunity that I see that I feel like, once you see it, you're going to be like oh my gosh. So let's pick a situation any situation, one that is observable, it's specific. It's like it could be the situation of we don't have the budget to take a trip this month, or I have not made a sale in my business this month Something very specific.
Speaker 2:Very specific. I have not made $10,000 this month. Okay, great.
Speaker 1:Perfect, I have. I'm just writing it down down so I capture your language, because that's important. Okay, when you say that out loud I have not made 10k this month, what is the internal dialogue that starts that you hear in your head?
Speaker 2:okay, it's not that bad.
Speaker 1:Sad disappointment okay, anything else, any thoughts?
Speaker 2:okay, uh, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. What am I doing wrong?
Speaker 1:okay, anything else, those are big ones. Those are the big ones. Okay, great. So next is the feelings, which you went too easy. I would imagine you're probably empathic as well If I had to guess yeah, okay. So feelings come first. They bubble up first and then the the brain goes oh, I'm here to sadness, disappointment, shame, yep. Anything else you'd like to add there? Hope?
Speaker 2:desire, appreciation, did you say appreciation, appreciation.
Speaker 1:Did you say appreciation?
Speaker 2:yes, appreciation okay, so wait hold on.
Speaker 1:I'm going to pause you there. I'd like you to say out loud again I have not made 10k this month. I have not made 10k this month, and then close your eyes and feel what comes up, motivated inspired seeing heard okay, where does that show up in your body?
Speaker 2:my chest anywhere else.
Speaker 1:Uh, I can feel the energy moving okay and then, uh, if you feel, feel motivated, desire, seen heard, what do you do next? What are the behaviors?
Speaker 2:Working on getting a podcast, uh, the shelves for media and sharing that, the things that I have on dock to do, great, okay, and then what's the?
Speaker 1:outcome.
Speaker 2:I made $10,000 in the month.
Speaker 1:Possibly yes. So in this process there's an uncle, there's what I call an unconscious process, which is where we started. The unconscious process is what you're currently experiencing. So if you haven't made 10 K this month, then there's a thought there and there's feelings there, and we got a little taste of it. And then your brain said nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. We're not letting that in. So you said I heard you say it's not bad, it's not that bad. And then what am I doing wrong?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then the feeling was shame, disappointment, sadness was shame disappointment, sadness, and then your brain stepped in because you're super intelligent and the smarter the human, the more dynamic the brain is and so, like we get to play with it a bit more and leverage it a bit more. And the brain stepped in and said well, I also feel motivated, I feel desire, I feel seen, I feel heard, which is amazing. So you kind of switched mid process into what I call the conscious process. Yeah, and the conscious process is when you use the power process to create. So we use it first to uncover and then we use it to create. But the reason I wanted to walk you through this and thank you so much for your participation in it, like it's so fantastic to see and to witness, because we can see ourselves in it, even me is because what comes before the feeling Depends on who you talk to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the thought or experience could be yes.
Speaker 1:Because so remember, you have your conscious mind and you have your unconscious mind. So what becomes conscious to you first? Just based on my experience of you over the last few minutes, is you become conscious of feeling first? Just based on my experience of you over the last few minutes, is you become conscious of feeling first? Yes, which is very common for us. If we're empathic or if we're intuitive, it goes feeling first. However, when we dig a little bit deeper and we slow ourselves down, there's an internal dialogue that's happening, and so to tap into that internal dialogue is a different level of vulnerability, yeah, and so when we tap into that internal dialogue, we see oh, there is a series of thoughts that I have that come before my feeling and inform it.
Speaker 2:Yes, what's coming?
Speaker 1:up for you as you hear this.
Speaker 2:So I've done a lot of work on this myself, of course, being a coach myself, um, so with it, I've been training my body to experience these emotions. Before the experience, the experience happens of those money coming in or anything else. So my body is getting used to it and so and craves those emotions, as you could tell as we went through it. Yes, and so with that, the thoughts don't always come through, it's not always generated by the thoughts and, yes, the emotions create and help propagate them, but the thoughts, but there's a.
Speaker 1:It's all interweaved in a way um and so yeah, um, what's creating the emotions for you?
Speaker 2:for me, it's true. There is an external trigger of some source, either a thought or an experience.
Speaker 1:Well, the thoughts internal, yes, the thoughts internal, yeah, yeah. So so the reason I went to the power process is because what I'm sensing is that there's a real fear of like excuse my language, but fucking it up again. It sounds like the meaning made of whatever your life was before coaching is I had everything and I messed it up.
Speaker 2:More. So I had everything, and it wasn't what I wanted it to be.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. And what do you attribute that to?
Speaker 2:I was pushing myself, I was making money, no matter what.
Speaker 1:That's a thought, right, that's a thought. I'm going to make money, no matter what. So, basically, what happens is the way that we think is informed by what we believe. So identity informs behaviors, and beliefs inform identity. So when we start digging this up, how do you ensure, going forward, that you don't repeat what was?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, just changing that belief to being like, okay, I did it, but I was so stressed and overwhelmed but then seeing it as that supported me with where it was at and what I was doing, which hasn't been enough. So there's another layer to it of seeing and noticing that that version of myself is enough. I was enough, I'm doing the best that I could in that situation and knowing that I'm doing the best that I can now too.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. What could you monitor or really even consciously focus on that could inform a different feeling.
Speaker 2:The impact that I'm making, the work that I'm doing, being a feeling in alignment, being able to do the things that I want to when I want to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and even deeper.
Speaker 2:What do you mean by deeper in a situation?
Speaker 1:I mean. So that's external, what I'm doing, how I'm being, what I'm feeling, everything what's happening in here and I'm pointing to my brain.
Speaker 2:I am enough that I'm seeing, that I'm heard. Yes, I'm making an impact. Yeah.
Speaker 1:The thinking, it's the internal dialogue. Yeah. So if I say, mikkel, what do you think about change and growth? It's amazing and incredible.
Speaker 1:So and I love that you bring this up because this is so potent when we're doing this kind of this is what I would call mindset work. When we're doing mindset work and we're using mindset work to shift our identity and shift our beliefs, we don't have to jump from. I really resist it and don't like it and it's really uncomfortable and I wish I could avoid it at all costs. We don't have to jump from there to it's fantastic, it's the best thing in the world, and I'm so happy to do it Right Cause that that again is like that's a big swing, you know.
Speaker 1:So I would invite you and anyone else who's listening to go from I don't love it, I don't like it, it's jarring to me sometimes or fill in your story right, the story that you've had, that you've lived with for a long time, and and just shift it to neutral, if you can. How can we begin to think in a way that is more specific and more accurate? And the reason I'm really focusing on the thinking is because when I asked you the question of how do you know you're in alignment, you went to feelings and alignment you went to feelings.
Speaker 1:You went to, it feels good and I would enjoy my days. And the quickest way to generate a feeling is to get a thought in there that is both accurate and generates those feelings. How does this land for you?
Speaker 2:Good, I'm glad that you pulled out those thoughts. I was missing a little bit.
Speaker 1:It's so and, honestly, it's so easy too. That's the brain's whole purpose. My brain, our brains, like I said earlier, you're highly intelligent, so our brains are even trickier. Like they're even, they're even better at deceiving us because they're highly skilled, they're highly intelligent, they're excellent at their jobs. You know so, and, as you know, this is the benefit of coaching is because our brain's not going to hand us over the keys, right? The brain is like no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't have all this access, because if we give you all this access, you're going to take us on some uncertain, unfamiliar adventure. Absolutely not. We cannot trust you with that. You want to put us in harm's way. We don't know what to expect. We don't know if we're going to survive in the woods in a cabin, you know.
Speaker 1:So I designed the power process to sort of like short circuit the brain and and really go oh, look at, look at what's here. Cause once the brain sees its inefficiencies and sees that it's being ineffective, it'll drop the pattern faster. So thank you for being open to exploring in this way about the thoughts, because personally it took me 15 years to get to mindset work. That's how my brain was like absolutely not. We are not. That's so silly. How could it be an internal dialogue? Meanwhile, I'm somebody who has tons of internal dialogue. There's a group of people up there having a board meeting all the time, you know, and so it's like a committee when I do my power process every day, coming in and being like okay, how do we manage everybody and make sure everybody's on the same page which is why this process is so great for me, and I feel like everybody gets to use it if they want to, because it's so quick. Being like oh, you went through it so fast. I didn't even have to teach you the conscious process. Your brain was like boop got it. I know exactly what's happening, I know where she's going, I know.
Speaker 1:So what that tells me about you, though, is that you have two conflicting ideas happening right now, which is creating gridlock. One is I want adventure, I want newness, I want nature, I want more financial resources. I want to be able to get up and go in amazing places and have the memories and the experiences. To get up and go in amazing places and have the memories and the experiences, and then you have, you know, the, the, the or. That's rowing in the opposite direction. That's saying no, we won't go into a place where we haven't been before, because look what we did last time, Look at what we got ourselves into last time. We're managing everything, we're watching everything. You cannot go out into the world because, whatever story is there about who you be, when you get focused on something and you pursue your joy, does that resonate for you?
Speaker 2:Yep, yeah, yeah, it's a. It was my brain there yesterday where it was like this life sucks and everything, and I was like no like then switching it over.
Speaker 1:I'm being like, okay, no, we're gonna try something else here and try on some different thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shift it yeah, and in the beginning, because the sort of the first pushback I get with this quite often is like but that doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel accurate to say this new thought in my head, right, like it doesn't feel accurate to say, well, I am open to change, because maybe I'm actually not like, maybe I don't really like it like it, and that's why I encourage people to pick a neutral thought, because if you can get it as close to true and neutral as possible, it'll be easier for your body to receive it, because this is about getting your body and mind on the same page. There's mental models right that you can use. That sort of encourage you to bypass the feeling and the body, and for myself, my body and my feelings are a part of my gifts. So to bypass them is like kind of tying my hands and then asking me to clap. You know it's like kind of messed up. So I'm like no, this power process has to include feelings and body, because for so many of us, that's how our instrument works.
Speaker 1:As you go forward and you start playing with this, if you choose to, it might be like when you start working out after a while of not where. It's like, oh my gosh, I haven't done a squat in like six years and this first squat feels awful and awkward and am I like, where are my legs and where are my ankles? And am I doing this properly, you know? And then you keep doing it. And then you keep doing it and you're like, oh, okay, I'm getting it, it's feeling better, still sore, feeling better, though you know it's feeling better, still sore, feeling better, though you know.
Speaker 1:So it is a, it is a process, because our brain, as you know, I'm sure, is a muscle. It is, it is a a set of nerves and neurons and all this kind of stuff. And so it's like it's going to take a minute, because the physical is the densest form of reality. So it's going to take a minute and that's okay. We have a few minutes to do this. You know, there's no rush per se, um, but just giving that grace, yeah, yeah, makes sense. Yeah, can I ask you one more thing? What might it take for you to forgive yourself?
Speaker 2:First thing that came to mind was writing a letter to myself.
Speaker 1:You're brilliant. Yeah, whatever transpired before, this was not done out of malice, or you. You literally, like you said earlier, you were doing everything the best that you could and the way that you knew how, and probably the way that maybe was modeled or supported or encouraged. You know, yeah, and now you know you better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what I'm capable of.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah, and you're magnificent, so I'm excited to see what your magnificence in this chapter of your book creates Me too. Yeah, anything else, I'm complete for now Amazing. Thank you for being on as we complete this episode. I would love to know your insights, takeaways and feedback. You can message me on Instagram, at katielinrojano, or send them via email to katie at katielinrojanocom. Any products or digital downloads I mentioned can be found via the link in my Instagram bio. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to share it with at least one friend and leave a five-star review so we can get these impactful dialogues into the lives of even more people. I would also like to thank my guest for their vulnerability and generosity in allowing us to learn from them and grow alongside them. Until next time, friends, let's go beyond.