BEYOND
BEYOND
Episode 6 BEYOND: Overcoming Anxiety and Embracing Positivity with Beth
Can personal growth be the ultimate lifelong journey? Join us as we unravel the profound insights of Beth, a longtime follower and former client, who opens up about her transformative journey over the past decade. Together, we emphasize that healing and self-discovery are ongoing processes, much like the continuous efforts required in parenting. Beth shares how her life has evolved since embarking on this journey, underscoring the irreplaceable value of community and coaching support. We also explore the intriguing notion of chronological versus soul age, challenging societal norms and expectations around aging.
Our conversation takes an enlightening turn as we delve into the art of setting priorities and boundaries. We discuss the importance of saying "no" to certain demands to make room for what truly matters in one's life. Through personal stories, we highlight how focusing on top priorities can transform relationships and overall well-being. The discussion also addresses the sacrifices necessary to nurture meaningful connections, acknowledging the growth and challenges these choices entail.
Mental health is another crucial topic we tackle, particularly anxiety and depression. Beth shares her personal battle with anxiety and how recognizing it changed her perspective, empowering her to develop new ways of thinking and being. Transitioning into a new career in real estate and now owning a construction company of her own, she discovered the power of positive self-talk and mindset, which significantly boosted her confidence. We debunk the myth that personal development is an easy path and stress the continuous effort required for nurturing oneself. Finally, we invite you to engage with us, share your insights, and broaden the impact of this dialogue through community engagement.
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Hello, my friend, and welcome to Beyond the personal growth podcast for the people who are healing beyond their conditioning and beyond the cycles that played out before them. My name is Katie Lynn and, with 20 years of experience in the field of psychology and human behavior, I am bringing my natural curiosity, expertise and personal life experiences here for discussions that are guaranteed to be informative, inspiring and entertaining. I'm glad you're here. Let's get started. All right, today we have Beth on the podcast. Beth, thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful to have you on, and my question for you is where would you like to start?
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for having me on. I'm excited to be here. You know I'm open to starting anywhere. You know I've been following you for a long time. We work together. I was thinking about it this morning. I think it's been almost 10 years since we first started working together. Been almost 10 years since we first started working together. It's been a journey. Yeah, I think I was like 46, maybe just turned 47.
Speaker 1:And I just turned 57. And so, yeah, this is blowing my mind. It feels like I haven't been in this area for this long, but I guess I have. When I say years, I really mean it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you know I follow you on everything you do. You know that because I'm always hitting you up in DMs and love your work. I think you do such an amazing job helping people in ways that you know they probably, in a lot of cases, couldn't get to on their own. Thank you, and I know that's what you did for me. And when I look at my life back when I met you, compared to where it is today like it's so night and day and I just felt like I needed to encourage some people, some other women who might be closer to where I was 10 years ago that you can do the work and you can heal and your life can be really beautiful and really amazing. And you have to do the work and, if you have the right person facilitating it, yes, it's going to be painful because you're healing, but it's going to be really beautiful and really, really rewarding.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I love that you said we're doing the work, because the work is really like breathing we don't stop. So it's a practice and a process. There's no start and end to it until we actually end. My whole game changed when I made that realization of like, oh, this actually isn't, I'm going to do the work and then I'm done doing the work, I am the work, I live the work, and if I can integrate it into my process like that, then my life only continues to become more expansive and more unbelievable and also deeper and more connected and there's more courageous conversations and there's more stuff to learn about myself and other people and there's more compassion to have and more grace to have more forgiveness to do you know Pandora's box?
Speaker 1:you just open it up and all the stuff comes out and it just keeps coming out.
Speaker 1:So more forgiveness to do you know Pandora's box, you just open it up and all the stuff comes out and it just keeps coming out.
Speaker 1:So and to me that's what makes it fun and it also makes it rewarding to have the community like you spoke of. Like other, encouraging other women to do this work and encouraging other women to be in this processes is really important because we work together individually and I've also had plenty of community programs because of this very thing, where it's like the work can get exhausting sometimes and you need to be able to look around to other people who are doing it and can tell you keep going, I see, you keep going. You know it gets sticky, it gets murky, it gets messy, and that's a part of the process and I think childbirth is the best metaphor I could give to it, because you're in there and you're pushing and you're, you're in the thick of it and you know there's something on the other side that you've never, actually seen before, no idea what it's going to look like, what it's going to sound like nothing.
Speaker 1:But you know that there's something coming and that you're a part of that process and it's for a bigger is, for something bigger. I'm really grateful that you brought that up and it's so important. And after 10 years, what do you find yourself navigating now?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I want to say that metaphor is perfect because, you know, whenever we're pregnant, especially with your first child, it's all about getting the baby out, yes, yes. And then you get the baby out and then it's like oh wait, it's just starting.
Speaker 1:It's only just begun. Now I've got a toddler. Now I've got a child in school. You know all the way through.
Speaker 2:And that's very much how this work is. It hit me probably about a year ago. I was talking to my husband about it and I said you know, I've come so far, but I've gotten to the point where I realized just what you said. It's like there's no final destination.
Speaker 1:For sure, and that's been such an eye-opening component of this process is realizing that as we age and develop, there's like a physical age, right, like I've been on the planet for 50 something years or 60 something years, and there's like a soul age. So the more women I talk to, especially women who are in their fifties, their sixties, their seventies, they're like I don't feel 70. I don't feel 65. I feel like. We saw this wonderful neighbor that we have she's an angel, oh my gosh. And we saw her walking and she said she's in her seventies now but she feels 55. And she said I look in the mirror and I just can't believe what I see because I don't feel the way that I look.
Speaker 1:And I think that's such a beautiful way of experiencing this life, because there can be so much judgment around where we should be in air quotes, should because of our chronological age and biological age, and really what this is is it's a learning journey. Yes, and to me it's an entire journey of healing, right, we're not just learning to learn and gather more information, we're learning to heal. That is so empowering because I hear it from women a lot, especially now that I'm coaching more women who are in the mother and headed to crone phases of life. It used to be. I used to work with a lot of the maidens right, so like 22 to 33, that was. That was an interesting and beautiful journey.
Speaker 1:And now most of my clientele are in the mother and also going from mother to crone and as I look at that, I can, I can see and witness how so much of the social constructs start to fall away because, as women we realize, oh, I'm sort of forever young and there actually is no limitation aside from maybe childbearing that I have on me, because I can always start something new, I can always learn something new, I can actually fill my life with so many beautiful, incredible things at any time, and that's been such a refreshing awareness to be able to come to but also to see in my clients and in the women that I work with, because they're literally unstoppable. Once they can break down these internal mind frames and paradigms, it's like the world is their oyster and it's beautiful to see them open up and blossom and just continue to create and thrive in their relationships and their businesses and careers or whatever they're doing.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean, I never dreamed that at the age of 53, I would leave Las Vegas for rural America and become a general contractor and build houses for people Like that was a dream for a long time. But to actually see that happen and it was really not going to happen until I got my mindset right Because we're we can be really good at blocking our own dreams and visions and I know that was one of the reasons why I wanted to work with you at the very beginning was because I had all these dreams inside of me and I couldn't get them out and I knew that it was me you know, and learning how to release some of that and open up, to welcome in what's already.
Speaker 2:There has been a very powerful and amazing journey and everything you said is true and correct and also I can tell you at 57, you do reach a point where you realize you don't have as much time in front of you as you have behind you and that can really help you figure out what's truly important and what to truly focus on and what's maybe not so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, my gosh, I'm so grateful that you brought this up. Oh, there's a couple of golden nuggets that you just shared in there. One is the mindset stuff, the other that I heard you allude to, but you didn't use this language, but what I heard is basically, in order to go from where you were when we were working together in Las Vegas and doing what you were doing there, to actually embark on a whole new life and, you know, be doing construction in rural America, and not just construction in rural America. You're building community, you're helping to build infrastructure. I mean, you're doing a lot of incredible things that I hear people sort of complain about on social media, and I love that. Everybody has the freedom of speech and I also have so much more respect for the people that go do the thing you know go get out there and do the thing or at least be a part of it.
Speaker 1:You're one of those people who who walks the talk and and that, to me, represents an identity shift. There wasn't, there was a component of your identity that had to be I don't want to say upgraded, because there wasn't anything wrong with who you were before at all. It just needed to be revised and, like, adjusted a bit so that you could become the woman who could actually have the capacity mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually to bring this to fruition. And that's an important component of the work that we do, because the woman who got you here is not the woman that will get you there. You actually have to become somebody different and I love that idea that, like, if you met me three years ago, you don't know me now. Like if we haven't spoken in three years, you probably don't know who I am anymore. And I love that for me and I love that for you because I had been praying for personal freedom freedom, you know, to be me, to love freely, to give freely, to forgive freely, like, very just, just, let me be unleashed, you know, and it was so fascinating because you know you pray a prayer and then the answer to that prayer is not what you really expect it to be. It's something that's like totally different. So I prayed this prayer of like God, please let me be free, you know, and the first line of business ended up being you need to look at your no, you need to become more discerning. Because you think you have time, and because you think you have time and because you think you have time, you say yes to everything and you say yes to everyone. You don't have time. You actually, statistically, you're kind of halfway. You know, and sure you don't want to, you want to live longer than 80, but also we just don't know.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that I think is so important that you really spoke to in this, that I hope everyone listening here is as you grow in your vision and you grow in your identity, you'll have to grow in your know and your discernment has to get so strong. And it's like I consider myself to be a woman who now currently has it all and I feel so blessed. And it doesn't mean that every day is perfect and it doesn't mean that I'm where I want to be in air quotes. You know, my vision continues to grow and I can honestly say look, I am blessed beyond measure, like in all realms, and my know and my discernment continues to need to be very sharp and very clear.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that I have really and maybe you relate to this, one of the things that I have really built the muscle of and I'm continuing to grow the muscle of is is letting people be disappointed in me because I I say no, no, I won't be there for that, I'm not going to show up for that, I am not creating the space for that. That is not an alignment right now. It's very and that has been a tough journey for me because I really come from the line, the line of, of ancestry. Ancestry that's like I want to make everybody happy. I really want to make everybody happy at the expense of my happiness and my purpose and my vision. And now it's like, well, no, I only have so much time left and I am going to make the most of it. And if I'm going to make the most of it and stay in alignment with my higher power, then this has to be a no. Yeah, have you experienced that?
Speaker 2:I have experienced that, Like so many things, it takes a little bit of practice, but once you get there, it really changes the space that you have around you and having that extra space to really flow and focus on those most important things you know that's life changing. Coming up with that framework that this is the top three most important things and this is what we're going to focus on, has really helped me be able to shut some of that other stuff out. Yeah, and as I continue to practice it, I really see the growth in the other areas. Jake is blossoming like crazy. He will come in and start a conversation with me, and he can't come in and start a conversation with me if I'm busy over here doing something that's not as important if I'm busy over here doing something that's not as important, and it's the same with Rand.
Speaker 2:you know we have. We do two to three date nights a week. Now we make sure we go out someplace, have dinner together, shut the phones off, focus on each other, and you can't do that if you're on the phone or if you're focused on other things.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And everybody has to figure that out for themselves, like what's the most important thing for you? For sure, and of course that shifts, you know, from time to time. But you know, I see that with you and Sonequa, like you guys, obviously put your relationship pretty high on the scale.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's pretty high and we make very intentional efforts at that and we've also made sacrifices for it. So it's meant that our businesses haven't grown at the rate that we wanted them to or thought they would, because we put each other first, we don't let the businesses take over. It's meant that we are not a part of as many social events maybe as we would like to be at if we didn't have, you know, a marriage that we valued so much, and it also has meant that I think it much faster. We bumped up against our edges with regards to intimacy because, as you probably experienced, when you start to spend that much time with somebody and you do prioritize it, you do get to know each other more. And as you do get to know each other more, and as you do get to know each other more, you do get closer. Even though in our minds we want it, sometimes it bumps up against our wounding yes, ma'am, and we go.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought I wanted this, but maybe you know, maybe I don't, but really I feel like God gifted me what you just spoke about in the last year, and that was the ability to break my life down into three areas of focus. What is the one thing? That if you mastered this one thing, it would make everything else in your life work better or become irrelevant. That concept was introduced to me probably about 10 years ago and I just got it, like it just landed in this last year and I go, oh, the the one thing that I have three everything else not not getting it and I'll review it in a year, to take inventory, review it in a year but this, these are the three things, and it's really allowed me to see where I've been leaking my time, leaking my power, leaking my energy, and where I can also lean in further and be like, oh, you got to pour more energy here, If this is what you're really committed to.
Speaker 1:And so there's really been this life reorganization which comes with and I'm sure you've experienced this as well it comes with grief, because now, for so long I think I had this idealistic view of like I want to be the woman that makes everybody happy and keeps everybody in their sunshine. And not only was I never that, so there was a little bit of delusion, right, like thinking that I ever was that, but also thinking that I ever could be that for everybody is really like this super impossible feat and nobody really is that or no, human. Anyway, I have a question for you because I've heard you bring it up a couple of times and that has to do with mindset. It's hard for me to explain that to other people of like, we go well, have you done your mindset work? And I feel like I want to go well, what is that? So how would you explain it to someone?
Speaker 2:My experience is that I had a lot of stories that played over and over in my head, that ran in the background, that I didn't even realize. You know, it wasn't until I had suffered with depression for a really long time and on all kinds of medication. I think I was originally diagnosed when I was like 13. You know, whenever you and I started working together, that was the first time I was ever able to put a word to some of what I was going through, and that word was anxiety. I did not realize that what I was feeling in my body and what I was carrying in my brain was anxiety, and once I named it, everything changed, because then it was an enemy quote unquote that I could see and could develop tools on how to fight, see and could develop tools on how to fight. So around the same time I met you, about two years after I had totally switched careers and went into real estate. Whenever you are doing real estate as your profession, there is a lot of sales training that goes along with that, and that was where I first was really introduced to the concept of mindset. But it wasn't until I started healing up some of the trauma and working through what was causing the anxiety, that I could even get to the point where I could really start working on the mindset. And the mindset for me was started with just facing these loops that ran through my head You're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you'll never get there, you'll never have it. It's for everybody, it's not for you. Over and over and over.
Speaker 2:And I didn't even realize it was there, you know, and you and I had a session and we were talking and you said do you have a dog? And I said yeah, I do. And you said how do you talk to your dog? You know, and I'm like like all women talk to their dogs. You're such a good boy, you're so handsome, you're so cute, I love you so much. And you were like and how do you talk to yourself? Not like that, it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that. And so you gave me that as an exercise and I started practicing that You're so good, beth, beth, you're such a good girl. And even now, 10 years later, I got my husband in on it, you know, and I will accomplish something big. And I'll be like good job, beth, you're such a good girl. And he'll be like yeah, good job, beth, good girl, you're such a good girl and he'll be like yeah, good job, beth, good girl, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:You know, that that is, you know, just barely clicking onto the mindset. So that's what mindset is. To me, it is getting the the, the dark, brooding, painful, restrictive, out and opening your mind up to the possibilities, the positive, and all that is there for you, because I do believe that we really do, to a big degree, control our own destiny and it's how we talk to ourselves and how we walk through the world and what we believe about ourselves. Do you believe you can do it or don't you? And if you don't, then you have to do some mindset work to get to where you do, because you truly can. You truly can.
Speaker 1:I'm really getting to see that we come in with certain characteristics right, like inherent characteristics, and we don't come in with those limiting beliefs. We don't come in with those that gets installed. Yes, as soon as we grow into adulthood we come out from underneath our parents and then it's our responsibility, right, to be the nurturing force for ourselves. And how do we do that? And most people just fall into default mode and do it the way that their parents did to them. Right, with them. But when we get into mindset work, I see that as like, oh, I'm going to deprogram everything. Yes, doesn't work, that's ineffective, because I can, and I'm going to reprogram the stuff that works really well. Your mindset is the same as like you doing squats at the gym. Right, if you haven't squatted in a long time. Those squats are going to be awkward, they're going to be difficult, you're going to get winded after doing probably 10 of them. It's going to be a journey, but the more you do them, the better you get, the better you get. The stronger you get, the stronger you get right, the more you can add weight and do other movements. And I see mindset is the same way as like it's a muscle, it's not a set way of being on social media.
Speaker 1:Personal development work and personal growth work gets framed within the context of like ease and oh it's so. Have a life full of ease and the soft life and the you know, live your dreams. And it sounds like so magical, like I just like have this vision of like jumping on clouds and like there's glitter everywhere and it's just. Everything is beautiful and perfect and if you do the work, then your life becomes perfect. And I think that is the such a misleading position. Yes, your life gets great and as it gets great, you also bump up against everybody else's wounding because as you grow, there's still other people. Everybody else's wounding because as you grow, there's still other people. It's like there's a sweet spot where people are cheering you on because you haven't yet touched their wounding, you haven't yet arrived at their limitations.
Speaker 1:And then, once you arrive at their limitations, people who are not in the in the work, who are, who don't understand how human behavior works and how growth and evolution works, they might turn against you. Yes, they might go from cheering you on to now being irritated or resentful or judgmental or all offended, offended. And I really did think that if I healed myself, everybody would love me. Yeah, I did too. That is the funniest thing, like, yeah, I'm holding in my laugh right now so that I don't blow out this microphone because it's so silly and it shows what my deeper desire was right, that I spoke to a couple of times already is that, like, my deeper desire was to be loved by people, by everyone, and it's like, hey, there's no way like you're just not everybody's cup of tea, like you said, and that's it's going to be what it is.
Speaker 1:You know, and as you heal and as you grow and as you live authentically according to your mission and purpose and your divinity, you will become the mirror for people who are ignoring theirs yeah, and people who don't want to see it. You become the threat to their existence. And that's when we really become the animal that we are right Human spirit, human animal. And it's like a dog that feels threatened. You know that dog is nice as long as you act the way that dog wants you to act. But once you invade that dog's face or you make a move that dog doesn't like, it's going to turn on you and it will bite you to to protect itself. And that's what they believe that they're doing.
Speaker 1:They believe that they're protecting themselves, even though and this is where we get to mindset, and mindset gets so interesting it becomes like a pretzel knot, sometimes turning in on itself. It becomes like a pretzel knot, sometimes turning in on itself. You'll think you're protecting yourself, but you're actually keeping yourself from your greatest and highest expression. That's right. And you're blocking the very thing that you say, that you want. That's right.
Speaker 1:And that's where mindset gets hard for me to explain to people is because, like, you think you're on the path, but you've just put up a big gate and blocked yourself from the very thing that you say that you want. And that's what makes, I think, being human challenging at times is because we really do believe, like, oh yeah, I'm doing it, I'm being it, and it's like, ah, the harder pill to swallow is that it's only ever always me. If I can bring myself to see what's presenting itself to me, what's trying to make its way through to me, that I am triggered by or activated by, or if I can bring that directly to God, my source, my higher power, if I can bring it there immediately and I can open myself up to the possibility of what might be here for me, the faster it happens, the faster I transcend that. But it's not always easy.
Speaker 2:You are 100% true and accurate in everything you just said, and that's I have had the opportunity to really practice that and I'm getting pretty good at it. The last year I've had a lot of opportunity and I really am, because I am to the point now where, because I have been on this healing journey, that I can look at somebody else who's you know, maybe coming at me in an attacking way and and recognize okay, you're just not healed up yet, yeah, you're just not there. And so I'm going to pray for you, yes, and I'm going to practice truly forgiving.
Speaker 2:And sometimes that leads me back to. There's still something in myself that's not healed and I have to practice forgiving me and healing that up so I can get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and to me, what you just spoke to is the ultimate, the ultimate goal. Can I be so embodied in myself and who I am and who I know I'm created to be, in my divinity, that I can be face to face with someone who is out of pocket, when I can extend grace and compassion in situations where another aggressive response would be justified? That's true power. Yes, that to me is really like oh, I'm in my fullest power. It's not the control over someone else, it's the ability to be in so embodied that nobody has control over me. That's right, and I think that that is really more of what the world needs is as we are with our peers, our people, and we're growing and we're learning. Can I extend grace? Can I extend compassion while still holding my principles grace? Can I extend compassion while still holding my principles, being rooted in my principles. I'm not becoming a bath mat and I can be with somebody who is not and extend grace and extend compassion and continue to be the model in those situations.
Speaker 2:That, to me, is authenticity, and my message to women who are struggling is don't give up, keep practicing. Know that it's a journey. If you hurt somebody that you love, recognize it, acknowledge it, speak it and remember that you're practicing. You may make mistakes, you may have things that you don't feel good about, but you have to forgive yourself. That's part of that practice and be open and receptive to the healing power and love that is God. Yeah, and when you put all that together, you will get to where you want to go, or better, yeah, because usually we can't even imagine all that together, you, you will get to where you want to go, or better, because, yeah, cause usually we can't even imagine.
Speaker 1:Can't even imagine. No, that's the most beautiful bow I feel like to this conversation, thank you. Thank you so much for being present. Thank you for sharing about your journey so intimately and so vulnerably and, beth, I've always experienced you as the truth. Thank you. And I really admire that about you and it's very inspiring to me and it's also not lost on me that the journey of being the truth is not easy. It's a tough one.
Speaker 1:It's a tough one, it's the one that's like for some people, you're the healing salve that their soul always wanted, and for other people, you're the flame that burns them more than they ever wanted to be burned, or to heal.
Speaker 1:In ceremonial work, we would call you the medicine. You're the medicine, you know, and I am so grateful that you have stepped into ownership of that and have embraced it, because that is a huge part of who you be in the world and everything that you've created, and it is why you are the one that walks her talk, thank you, and so it's beautiful. Thank you for being on today. Is there anything else you want to add before we hop off?
Speaker 2:No, I just you know how awesome you are and you know I don't know how many times I've reached out to you. You know, with things that are happening in my life to say I how many times I've reached out to you. You know, with things that are happening in my life to say I would not be here if it wasn't for the work that I did with you and I truly, from the bottom of my heart and deep in my soul, believe that you are a gift from the Lord and every woman that you work with, I just pray that they can embrace and open up to the teachings that you have, because you are a healer, a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you so much, beth. I receive that as we complete this episode. I would love to know your insights, takeaways and feedback. You can message me on Instagram at katielinrojano, or send them via email to katie at katielinrojanocom. Any products or digital downloads I mentioned can be found via the link in my Instagram bio. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to share it with at least one friend and leave a five-star review so we can get these impactful dialogues into the lives of even more people. I would also like to thank my guests for their vulnerability and generosity in allowing us to learn from them and grow alongside them. Until next time, friends, let's go beyond.